I’m not proud of what happened. In fact, most of the time I feel disgust for myself for the weakness which brought it about. Most of the time… but the rest of the time the memory brings on a surge of physical excitement and longing.
I’ve often tried to excuse myself by remembering that it had been a long time since I had made love to anyone at all. It was about six years since my wife had stormed out, never to return, following the unending rows between us over her uncurbed spending habits which had threatened, constantly, to ruin us financially I was left with our twelve year old daughter to continue to bring up alone.
But in those six years I had coped more or less successfully, and Bridget, our daughter, had more than played her part, doing well at school, doing her bit in the house, and learning to be a fine cook as well; something for which I was grateful, as I am not proficient in that skill.
Now she was nearly nineteen, and had moved on from school to college. As a result, she had to live away from home all week, and for the most part came home at weekends.
All seemed to be going swimmingly, until one Friday evening toward the end of her first college year.
Bridget had arrived home around six that night, and, as had become a custom, I took her out for a meal at our local restaurant. She was strangely quiet throughout the meal, although in answer to my questions, merely said it was nothing, she was just a bit tired. After we had eaten, we drove home, and Bridget went for a bath. She always did that because, in the place she stayed all week, there was no opportunity to have a bath, only an occasional shower.
After her bath, she joined me downstairs where I was sitting on the sofa watching television. She was wearing her towelling robe, and, as usual, plopped down next to me on the sofa, smelling fresh and sweet, and cuddling up to my left side, with her feet drawn up under her, as she had often done throughout her life.
I continued to watch the box, vaguely enjoying the comfortable intimacy of my daughter’s proximity, but without any unworthy thoughts. Not that I hadn’t, in the last few years, noticed the development of her young body from childhood into what I would describe as a voluptuous young woman, with large, and to me inviting, breasts, as her mother had. I suppose I had always preferred the “fuller” figure. But I had not allowed myself to have any unseemly yearnings toward her, even though it had been a long time since I had myself had sex, and then only a rather unsatisfactory and sordid “quickie” with a work colleague, that had led to nothing.
After a short while of our sitting comfortably together, I became aware that Bridget was not, herself, watching the screen, and had begun to sob quietly.
Turning to her, I saw that tears were running down her cheeks. “What on earth is the matter, darling?” I said. For several seconds she did not reply, and then eventually lifted her head to look me directly in the eye.
“Oh, Daddy, I don’t quite know how to tell you this, and I know it’s not your fault, or your problem, but you’re the only person I could ever dream of speaking to about it. We’ve always been able to talk about anything, haven’t we?”
That was true. She and I had always been able to talk to each other about anything at all. When she reached puberty, it was myself who had to explain to her what was happening, and our relationship had always been one where, so to speak, there had never been any need to lock the bathroom door.
Bridget went on “You’ll think I’m being silly, and that it’s not at all important, but I’m so upset about it that I’m beginning to hate college, and I don’t think I can go on.”
” What is it that’s upset you so much?” I was really concerned, I had never before seen her looking so distressed.
Bridget took her time before she answered again, and I just waited patiently till she was ready to speak.
“It’s because I’m too fat,” she said finally.
“What do you mean?” My daughter was certainly on the plump side, somewhat as her mother had been, though I would certainly not really have described her as fat in any derogatory sense.
Then suddenly it all came pouring out. “I’m the only girl in my year, probably in the whole college, who’s still a virgin,” she sobbed. “All my friends do nothing else but compare notes about how good or horrible their sex lives are, or how it was for them last night, and what contraceptives they prefer, and so on. And they make fun of me, saying things like “Oh, of course you wouldn’t know, Bridget, would you? You’re still a goody goody little virgin, aren’t you? Nobody wants a fat girl, do they?” And then, when I did once have a date with a boy, he wanted to feel my breasts, and I let him, but there was no thrill in it for me at all, and he just hurt me a bit, prodding my boobs with his illegal bahis finger and saying “Yuck, how gross”… I don’t know if I should tell you this, Daddy, its so embarrassing, but…”
“Go on dear, it’s alright, let it all come out.”
“Well, then he said “Nobody could ever… Oh, God. Is it alright to use a bad word?”
“Of course. Don’t worry about it.”
“He said… Nobody could ever manage to fuck me because they would need a two foot long dick to reach past my stomach, and that anyway no man would ever fancy me. Oh, Daddy, I’m so unhappy. I know I should probably be proud to be still a virgin at nineteen, but I’m the odd one out, and it practically makes me an outcast. I can’t join in the discussions that go on, and I suppose I’ll go the rest of my life without knowing what it’s about. I think I’m probably frigid or something.”
Bridget began sobbing deeply. I put my arm round her and kissed her face to comfort her. “That was cruel,” I said, “and not true either! I’m quite sure you’re not frigid, and that no man could fancy you is certainly not true either.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because I’m a man, and just because you’re my daughter doesn’t make me immune, you know.”
“You mean, if I weren’t your daughter, you might want to, you know, sort of touch my boobs and stuff?”
“Well, since you put it like that, yes. What I meant was that just because I’m your father doesn’t stop me from having a natural physical response when I look at you, or feel you next to me.”
“Well, yes. Since we’re being so open and honest with each other, as we’ve always been, what I’m saying is that I sometimes… well, get an erection from your nearness.”
The direction our talk was taking was indeed already causing my penis to swell in my pants, somewhat to my embarrassment, as there was hardly any chance that Bridget would not be aware of it if she looked into my lap, as she now did in response to what I had said.
“Oh, Dad, I didn’t know that”. Her eyes seemed fixed on the lump in my trousers. “But it wouldn’t be any good, would it? After what that boy said and did, I couldn’t enjoy being touched and so on.”
“That’s rubbish. That boy clearly had no sense, or ability. If it was done properly, you’d enjoy it alright, I’m certain”.
There was silence for almost a minute, which seemed like a year. My penis was straining uncomfortably in my pants. I was still relatively young and fit, at forty two, and had normal masculine needs, which most of the time I tried to ignore until they became too pressing, when I would be compelled to masturbate. I was brought up in the generation who were taught that masturbation was somehow nasty and unclean, and demonstrated a dirty mind. While I knew this attitude was totally wrong, and a leftover from misguided Victorian prudery, and that masturbation was as natural, and even necessary, as any other function in life, nonetheless the attitudes instilled in childhood are very difficult to overcome. They never totally leave you.
So it had been months since I had given in and wanked, as we used to call it, and I was suffering from what was commonly known as blue balls, that nagging ache in the testes and penis that goes on until you do something about it, and which causes thoughts of sex to intrude into everything else.
Finally, Bridget drew in a big breath, and cuddled closer to my left arm, this time keeping her head down so that I could not see her face.
“Daddy, would you show me what it should feel like?”
There was a strange lump in my throat, quite apart from the one in my pants.
“Darling, I can’t. It isn’t allowed. You’re my daughter.” My voice was like a stranger’s.
“I wouldn’t tell anyone, honestly. If you could show me I’m not just some kind of freak, I’d feel so much better. And I love you, so what harm could it do?”
I had no answer to that. I raised her head to look into her eyes. “Are you quite sure? Because this is a serious matter. If anyone ever found out, I could get into terrible trouble, you know.”
“They wouldn’t find out. And even if they did, somehow, I’d just deny it.”
My mind was in turmoil, but the pressure in my testicles and penis was ever more insistent.
“Alright, but only to show you you’re not frigid, and tell me to stop at any moment if you’re not totally happy about anything I’m doing”.
“Of course I will. Oh, please, Daddy. Show me.”
For answer, I turned her head up and kissed her as a lover rather than as a dad. I held her close alongside me with my left arm, and gently slid my right hand down from her neck into the front of her towelling robe. Beneath that robe she was naked. My hand found her left breast, and slowly began to gently massage it, feeling the large nipple harden and rise under my palm.
I was amazed at illegal bahis siteleri the shape and growth of that nipple. I hadn’t actually seen Bridget naked for about five years, and the change was considerable. I reached down and undid the cord fastening of the robe, and opened the front to expose her breasts. They were gorgeous, full, and in spite of the fact that she was a little overweight, those breasts were firm and high, and the nipples like small pink pyramids.
She made almost a purring sound as I caressed both tits, and gently squeezed the nipples between my thumb and forefinger. I couldn’t resist it, I bent forward and kissed each globe, licking round and sucking each nipple till Bridget gasped with delight and I sensed her hips beginning to rise and fall very slightly.
” Umm, Daddy, that’s wonderful. It makes me feel strange, and so excited.”
“It’s supposed to, darling. It just shows you’re not frigid, don’t you think?”
“Oh, yes. It makes me feel so… I don’t know… Sexy, I suppose!”
I felt I had to stop before I lost control and perhaps frightened or hurt her.
“Daddy, why have you stopped? Please don’t stop. Unless I don’t really appeal to you, of course.”
Don’t really appeal! She could not possibly realise the storm raging in my brain. I gave in to it.
“Of course you appeal to me! More than I know how to say. You can see the effect you’re having on me, can’t you?”
“Yes, I suppose I can.” She half giggled, which pleased me to know she was not taking what I was doing as any sort of trauma. Her robe had fallen completely from her shoulders and all of her lay exposed. She saw me looking at her, and taking in the soft smoothness of her body. She followed my glance down to the base of her stomach, and almost coquettishly moved her body forward on the sofa, letting her legs part, so that her vulva, below a fine sprinkling of soft fair hair, was open to my view, inviting and already glistening with her arousal juices.
“Can I… Can I see you, as well?” she whispered. I looked at her, then took my left arm from around her and stood up, forcing off my shoes and socks, undoing my shirt, almost bursting my trousers and pants in my rush to step out of them. I stood before her, naked, and with my swollen erection pointing straight at her face.
She seemed to be mesmerised. “Oh, Daddy, I’ve seen your… your thing… before, but never like that!” I came back to the sofa, and sat beside her again. “I want to touch it,” she said. “Can I?”
“Of course you can, sweetheart. And I’m going to touch you down there, if you want me to.”
“Oh, yes please, Daddy, but I might not be… well, very nice down there. I feel a bit wet for some reason.”
“The reason is you are responding to being aroused, just as my penis has gone hard and stiff.” I took her left hand and brought it to my penis, wrapping her fingers around its thickness. She swallowed but said nothing, letting her hand explore the stiffness of my member, and her thumb to feel the slight wetness of the pre-ejaculate that was beginning to leak from the head.
“Just hold your fingers around my penis and move your hand gently up and down the length of it… Oh, yes that feels wonderful.”
At the same time, my right hand moved down from her breasts, over the smoothness of her stomach, and down between her slightly parted legs. At once my fingers found the top of her nether lips and felt the wetness. I parted her legs much wider to allow me access to her sex. Her tiny clitoris was swollen and erect. I gently stimulated it with my thumb, while my index finger sought a way between her outer vaginal lips and slowly entered her about an inch or so.
She made soft moaning noises. “Daddy, that feels incredible.”
Because she was concentrating on the sensations she was herself experiencing, Bridget’s fingers had stopped moving on my penis, although she retained her light grip upon it. That was probably just as well, or I might well have climaxed there and then. And I did not want to reach orgasm – not yet.
I took my finger from her vagina. We looked at each other, searching each other’s eyes for the unspoken decision. We were both breathing too fast. We kissed with urgency.
“Do you want me to… to put my penis into you?” My voice was just a croak.
“Oh yes, Daddy, I want it! I need it! But it won’t go, will it?, You aren’t long enough to reach, are you? That boy said…”
“Forget what that boy said! That was utter an complete nonsense. I’m going to show you… Just for a minute. So that you’ll know what it feels like and that I don’t have to be two feet long!”
I certainly wasn’t two feet long. I suppose my penis is just average, maybe even marginally less than average in length, about six inches when erect, but satisfactorily thick, and at that moment swollen and sore canlı bahis siteleri with need.
Gently I laid Bridget back along the sofa. Her robe was still more or less beneath her bottom, so the wetness we were both creating, and would make, would hopefully not get everywhere.
I knelt between her open legs. Her eyes were fixed upon my throbbing member, and my eyes were fixed upon the beauty of her glistening vulva.
Leaning over her, I slowly lowered myself upon her, until our stomachs lightly touched, and the tip of my penis first touched her swollen clitoris, then brushed those wonderful nether lips, gently nudging between them. She held her breath, but was trying to raise her hips toward me.
“Darling, I’m going to have to take your virginity. It may hurt. I’ll be as gentle as I can, but I can’t go right into you without breaking your hymen. Once I’m in, the pain should ease.”
“I know, Daddy, I’ve read about that and the girls tell their stories about it. I’m ready. Don’t worry, I’ll be alright.”
“If you want me to stop, just say the word and I promise I will.”
I began to press my aching penis between those soft vaginal lips, feeling it begin to be gripped by the outer sheath. The head of the penis was inside her, but then I felt the resistance of the hymen. Bridget felt it too, for she began to push against me, urging me to force myself deeper into her. At once I felt the resistance give, and my penis sank further into her exciting tunnel. I had taken her virginity. Bridget gasped. I froze.
“Are you alright, pet?”
“Oh, yes, Daddy. There was a sharp pain for a moment, but I think it’s going already. Don’t stop, I want all of you in me.”
Slowly I allowed my penis to move further into her, and she answered that movement with thrusts of her own, until I was fully engulfed within the tight, wet, silky warmth of her, and our pelvic bones, padded by the surrounding flesh, pressed against each other. The sensation was electric.
I was almost impossible to remain still. I was desperately near to orgasm. Both of us were moving against each other without being able to prevent it. “There now,” I said, “You’ve felt what it’s like. I’ll have to come out now before I, er… come.”
“No, Daddy, please don’t come out yet. The pain’s gone, and it feels wonderful having you inside me. I can’t help it, I want to move. Please stay inside for a bit longer. It’s so good to know you don’t have to be very long, and it feels as if I’m filled up.”
I should have resisted, but I couldn’t, and I didn’t. Instead, I gave in and began to let my penis move rhythmically in and almost out of her sweet vagina, delighting in the tightness of that sheath that gripped me so well.
Soon, too soon, I felt the aching rise of impending orgasm. At that moment, Bridget threw her arms around me, let out a muffled squeal, and her wonderful internal muscles pulsed around me. She was climaxing. I could hold back no longer.
“Darling, I must come out… It’s going to come out of me and…”
“No, Daddy, please don’t come out. Let it come. I want to feel the stuff that made me coming into me. I want it. I need it!”
After that, I couldn’t have pulled out to save my life. Sliding my hands under the cheeks of her soft behind, I pulled myself as fully into her as I could, and my penis jerked and ejaculated in what felt like huge and almost unending series of strong spurts, flooding through her cervix and filling her womb with my pent-up semen. I came down to my toes.
I could not recall ever having a climax of such force and delight before.
“Daddy, I felt it pumping into me! I could feel it!”
Her face was flushed and glowing.
“That was wonderful. The girls at college always argue about whether they can feel the sperm going in or not. Some say they can, but most can’t. But I can, and I have! “
As my daughter and I cooled to reality, the enormity of what I had done began to impress itself upon me. She wanted me to stay within her. Everything down there seemed to be warm and liquid. Eventually I drew my softening penis from her beautiful vagina, and a slight stream of blood-stained semen trickled from the flushed lips of her vulva to stain the towelling of her robe beneath her.
“Daddy, that was incredible. I love you so much. Thank you for showing me what it is all about. I won’t be out of it any more. In fact, I’ll have a better experience to talk about than any of the rest of them! The feel of your sperm going into me was awesome.”
I panicked. “Darling, you can’t tell anyone!”
“Daddy, of course I won’t tell them who it was, but the way it felt, I’ll enjoy telling that.
“Sweetheart, the first thing we’ll have to do is to get you a Morning After pill, because I came inside you.”
“Daddy, we don’t need to. I just finished my period yesterday. It should be safe for a few days yet, and if you want to, I’d like to do this again, and again, until it’s too dangerous…”
I was lost, forever. I will never lose the guilt I feel, but the pleasure, well, it outweighs the guilt, I’m ashamed to say.